You Will Split the Heavens of Long Island

By: Jamie Gegeny
Publication Date: July 25, 2024
ISBN: 979-8333910905
Reviewed by: Kathy Stickles
Review Date: December 2, 2024

You Will Split the Heavens of Long Island is a hysterical and creative novel by author Jamie Gegeny and one that I would recommend to anyone looking for a little bit of fun. While reading the blurb on the back of the book I was not really sure what to expect, but I can assure you I was not disappointed at all.

The story opens inside the Stottlemyre Home for Psychiatric Wellness (SHoPsWe) and we meet many different people, among them the two main characters in the story, Isthmus Theodoric (or It for short) and his girlfriend Rebekah. Both of these characters have what one would call a special set of skills. For Rebekah it is astral projection and, in her case, she ends up learning about three women who have been missing for a number of weeks somewhere in the state of Ohio. Since SHoPsWe is located on Long Island, that is a pretty long distance but Rebekah knows what is going on and feels that she is the only one who can help. For It, he is just a huge fan of getting abused in whatever way possible. A masochist who loves to start something so that another person will come after him with fists or any other handy weapon, his skill may not seem to be much but he is definitely the fighter that Rebekah will need by her side in order to save these women. Plus, she loves him, so there is no way she will leave him behind when she runs.

As the two work up an escape plan so that they can get on their way to Ohio, the fun really begins. No one in the facility, patient or employee, has a clue what is going on but they all seem to end up somehow involved. When It steals another man’s hot dog during lunch, this sets off a set of events that sends these two characters out of the home and on a wild adventure filled with other characters, both good and bad, that they meet along the way. If they find a way to save the women it may, in turn, save them since they are breaking laws right and left as they attempt to get to Ohio. There is no way to put this plot into words without giving too much away and I refuse to do that so you have to trust me and read the book.

Jamie Gegeny has put together a novel that, when you first start reading seems so odd. However, as it develops, we find out that this author is actually pulling together an extremely unique plot that completely pulls you in. It is absolutely hilarious while also showing that these “dysfunctional” characters may actually be a whole lot smarter than most people give them credit for. The dialogue is perfect and each character and the personality and background that has been written for them is distinctive and really fits well into the overall story. While all of the characters are definitely something to behold, Isthmus is simply a marvelous creation, and much smarter than he is given credit for, even though his main goal in life seems to be that everyone else beats him up as much as possible.

You Will Split the Heavens of Long Island is one-of-a-kind and you should not miss it. With a very original plot, extremely entertaining characters, and very well-developed dialogue, there will not be a moment that the reader does not enjoy. Above all else, it is a story that will remind you how much fun it is to laugh and take pleasure in what you are reading. After all, reading is supposed to be a way to escape the real world and enjoy an adventure and this book is definitely an adventure from the first page to the last.

Quill says: It is so enjoyable to read a book that takes a group of people considered by the world to be “outsiders” and turns them into a group of champions that save others. You Will Split the Heavens of Long Island is, without a doubt, this type of book. It is one that should be savored over a cup of coffee when a reader is in need of an escape from life.