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Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever.

Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever.

By: Caissie St. Onge
Publisher: Random House/Ember
Publication Date: May 2011
ISBN: 978-0-3855-3420-8
Reviewed by: Amy Lignor 
Review Date: August 2011 

In this world of the constant - CONSTANT - publishing of vampire books, finally one has come along that focuses on absolute humor: A vampire who is blood-intolerant.

Readers begin at the side of Jane Jones, a vampire who has just moved to yet another new place and is doing just what her mother told her to do…make friends. Unfortunately for Jane, the teenage vampires in this neck of the woods simply want to drink, party it up, and add peer pressure to Jane’s world by forcing her to drink from the J.V. Captain’s leg - a boy who is passed out cold next to the bonfire from too much of the regular ‘happy juice.’ Jane tries to hide her special allergy but fails. Not only does she pass out, but her mother is called and has the nerve to talk about Jane’s particular allergy in front of everyone. She also mentions the fact that Jane will now be up all night with diarrhea. If Jane wasn’t already dead, she’d die from embarrassment right there on the spot.

Jane becomes ‘Lame’ at school automatically. This ninety-year-old teenager is so sick and tired of being a vampire with a defect. Her whole family was ‘changed’ in the 1900’s during their time in the Dust Bowl, and Jane wants nothing more than to find a cure for vampirism. Her brother Zach is on her side - a super scientific genius who will do anything he can to solve his sister’s particular flaw. Her parents aren’t really a help. Jane’s poor father works nights at a cookie/cracker factory, but the smell of the baked goods makes him sick as a dog; and her mother is just always trying to force ‘fitting in’ and making friends Jane’s goal in life.

Soon Jane is teamed-up with the geek of the school, Eli, on a school project. Not only that, but the junior “hottie” of the school, Timothy Hunt, becomes Jane’s friend because he, too, wants to partake of this odd cure that a doctor has found for vampirism, and start his life over with Jane by his side.

Between new friends; a teacher who has a secret that could wipe out Jane’s family; dealing with Astrid, the school princess with a huge chip on her shoulder; and, just trying to get through life on two drops of Bombay blood (the only type that doesn’t make her sick) a day - Jane has some serious teenage issues.

This writer has finally introduced a little bit of fun into the 'fanged-ones' world without adding sappy romance that so many - SO many authors are writing nowadays. Readers will commend Random House for finally publishing a YA in this genre that is entertaining and not Romeo and Juliet 'shtick,' because fans will find a lot to love about Jane. Especially the facts that she puts to rest such as: vampires do not fly; there is no super-speed (they drive cars like everyone else); and, although they do get a little crispy in the sun, SPF 100 usually works quite well.

Quill Says: A fun read for teens! If all publishing houses would stop wasting money on the ridiculous - these entertaining novels would be a breath of fresh air.

Feathered Quill

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